mike and i are having a contest to see who can impress the most internet ladies
im pretty sure i am going to win but if you think that i am cuter than mike please respond to this post thank u
(for reference here is a picture of him from his blog i do not think this competition is fair but i am not the one who suggested it i do not make the rules)
My boyfriend says he loves me, but only wants to see me like once or twice (max) a week. We both have shit going on in our lives, so sometimes this just ends up being status quo, but it hurts me when he passes on proposed plans because we’d seen each other the day or two before. Am I being too needy? Should I just chill the fuck out and be happy that he wants to hang when he does?
Okay, stop. Let’s take a step back from what you think is the problem, and let’s attempt to reframe the way you think about pretty much everything.
First, let’s examine your phrasing: "Am I being too needy? Should I just chill the fuck out and be happy that he wants to hang out when he does?"
These questions typify how you think with regard to your relationship, and it’s not healthy. The implication is that your boyfriend’s behavior is both appropriate and inflexible, and that if your emotional needs aren’t being met, it’s because there’s inherently something wrong with you.
That’s a fucked up way to look at the world. Would it ever even occur to you to use phrasing like, "Is my boyfriend being too aloof? Should I just put my foot down and demand that he hang out with me more often?" I’m not suggesting that’s the best approach, but you need to hear what it sounds like to not be a doormat.
At the very least, you should start thinking in terms of mutual needs and compatibility. The question you should really be asking is, "Are my relationship needs compatible with his relationship needs?"
Maybe they are, and you guys just have a lot of shit going on right now. Maybe they aren’t, and the relationship is too low a priority for him. Either way, convenience and inertia can’t be the only reasons you’re sticking around. If you aren’t getting what you need, have the emotional maturity to ask for it, and if it’s not likely to change, have the self-respect to move the fuck on.
coquette is really on point today damn
Yeah that seems like DEF bedbugs. Living with Sonia when we had bedbugs it was the same for us, only she got bitten, not me. Telltale signs are bites in sets of three. Hopefully they can bugbomb yalls place soon
yeah i’m doing some research and apparently some people can show zero signs if bitten (me) or they can be fucking allergic to bugbites and show really big mosquito-like bugbites (milly). fuck the landlord for making us wait yet another week to get this bullshit out of our home.
we have some kind of pest in queerhaus (presumably bedbugs) that have been chewing on milly constantly for the last like, three weeks.
it’s really strange, though— they seem to only want to bite milly, and milly has found bugs under their bed and in their sheets & clothes, but they seem to have left me and my room alone. neither of us have gone anywhere that we might have brought back bedbugs with us, or gotten any new furniture, so i don’t know why they’ve just suddenly appeared, in one room at the back of the apartment, and aren’t biting me, like, at all. i’ve had like, maybe three bugbites, and i’m not even convinced they were all from bedbugs. i’ve dealt with a bedbug infestation in a different apartment, and this doesn’t seem like a bedbug infestation. its just really weird.
either way, we called the landlord last friday, didn’t get a response, called back on tuesday and were told that some kind of pest control would be out to figure out what is in our apartment, and they still haven’t sent anyone out. i’m pretty pissed about it but milly is kind of freaking out because they’re literally covered in bugbites (it’s seriously ridiculous) and the thought that they can’t even be in the apartment without being brutalized by bugs isn’t exactly fun. i’m trying to do some research to find out if we can call the health department on our landlord and get them to take care of it, because i don’t really wanna force milly to endure another week of this bullshit.
I read your “On Sowing Wild Oats Together”. I’m with someone I see forever with, which I know is a sweeping statement for a 20-year old. In this case, I’m the one who’s itching to sow some wild oats. I haven’t revealed these thoughts to my boyfriend but because of his relatively conservative nature, I’m afraid that he’ll think less of me and that I think less of him. I don’t think open relationships are his cup of tea and I don’t want to kindle a topic like this lest it continues to burn in the back of his mind. Additionally, I’m held back my selfish and cowardly fear that I’ll lose him, and that the other side isn’t so green. What should I do?
It’s not that the grass is all that much greener when you’re off sowing your wild oats. (It’s pretty much the same shade of green wherever you happen to be standing.) It’s that the other side of your particular fence has a lot more roses to stop and smell. More thorns, too.
Whether you’re sowing wild oats, gathering ye rosebuds, or just looking for some greener grass, there isn’t a clichéd gardening metaphor that’s going to help you figure this out. You’re twenty. Even if you’re willing to acknowledge your limited ability to conceive of forever, you still don’t know shit about the person you’re going to be in ten years.
Your problem isn’t that you’re missing your window to explore your sexuality with other partners. Your problem is that you’re still naive enough to think that this is your only window. It’s not.
Life is gonna fuck with you, kiddo. Your circumstances are going to change. So will you. I’m not saying it’ll be better or worse. I’m just saying it’s gonna be different in ways that you aren’t even capable of predicting. In other words, the forever you’re imagining with this guy is a fantasy.
Your heart is going to get broken one day. You may think that’s bad news, but it’s not. It’s all part of the experience. Hell, this guy you’re with right now might not even be the one who breaks it. Who the fuck knows? Point is, this isn’t gonna be your only relationship. You’ll end up sowing some wild oats. It might be a few years from now, but it’ll happen.
Just promise me in the meantime you won’t do anything stupid like get married (or worse, knocked up), especially if you’re in the kind of relationship where you can’t even be open with your partner about your sexual and emotional needs because you’re afraid of his “conservative nature.” That’s a recipe for a miserable fucking life.