There is a difference between society’s views of masculinity and what it actually is?? People don’t generally get that masculine identifying queer folk are rejecting that particularly harmful view of masculinity and reclaiming it in a healthy way.
the general consensus that i’m seeing is that maleness is singularly defined by having power over women and that masculinity/maleness are impossible to divorce from the violent societal power that is attributed to them
but like, i don’t know. even if true, that’s not my fault????? to some extent it’s impossible for me to choose to be a boy and not in some way be implicit in that whole malarkey but like, shit, i can’t always control that. is it not good enough for me to be some version of a boy that is counterintuitive to society’s attitude about what it is to be a boy?
sources say no, it’s not good enough, that is not Radical Enough to attempt to alter power structures when i don’t have the option of using my own identity as a weapon against them while maintaining my own safety and quality of life, and i am not a good trans person.
i really want to understand this thing but it really feels like a lot of people are talking about a thing that i am while completely disregarding my experiences and devaluing my comfort in favor of holding radical political and social positions. i don’t even disagree with it, i understand where it comes from and i sympathize and i will never tell anyone that the viewpoint is wrong or unjustified, but i can’t get any kind of education as to how to reconcile this viewpoint with my identity that doesn’t involve completely disregarding my needs or my ability to make good choices for myself. i can’t talk about this without making myself into some kind of “not all men!!!” joke, i lost three followers for these posts
if im 100% frank about it i’ll just say that im a mentally ill nb trans person who has been trying with everything in me to appreciate and understand the value of trans women, but doing so has made it so that when trans women talk about how worthless men of any kind are and how poor of a decision it is to choose to be a man, it makes me feel like the part of me that is masculine— the Boy part of me— is Extremely Unacceptable even in the only community that i have ever found safety in
i already have enough reasons to want to be dead and being told that making the right politics to Stand Against Patriarchy are so much more valuable than my comfort and my sense of self that it would be better for me to die than to be masculine or male in any fashion, and that, on top of all that, i should not speak up in any way that disagrees with the words of trans women, is not healthy for me or the people that i hold dearest in my life.
its hard to continue reading the writings of intelligent people that i respect and to continue trying my damndest to value trans women above all else when they are basically telling me that i should hate myself because i do not have the luxury of being able to choose femininity or womanhood whenever possible.
i just want to be trusted that i’m making the right decisions for myself and that there’s a real good reason why i rejected womanhood and not feel like it’s impossible for me to keep up with the writings of the smartest, most important trans women in my life without being told that i should probably die and also should never ever object, ever, in any circumstances, to things that trans women say, and should take up as little space as possible in trans spaces, forever, because That’s The Right Politics.
the more people talk shit about masculinity the more alienated i am from the trans community, but the more i feel like a boy and feel like actively identifying as a boy
a thing that was v helpful to me: letting go of the idea that there is a version of myself that is “”“real”“” that i need to “”“discover”“”
i’ve been a girl, uncomfortably. i’ve been a boy, slightly less uncomfortably, but still uncomfortably for different reasons. i’m nb now because being nb is the most comfortable and honest thing for me to be. “nonbinary” is a useful and accurate way for me to describe myself. i see myself reflected in other trans people and their stories, so “trans” is a comfortable space for me to inhabit. maybe, someday, nonbinariness will no longer be useful or comfortable, and i will be something else. what people think of as “womanhood” is sometimes a useful space for me to inhabit, but i mark an intentional line between being a woman and being a nonbinary person passing as a woman, because the semantic/internalized difference is significant and validating to me.
all of those things are equally a part of my experience and a part of who i am. there is no part of me that is permanent. i can come to understand why i am the way i am, or whether i like the thing i am, or whether i want to change into something different in the future, but there is no “real me” waiting to be discovered. there are only different versions/interpretations of myself that are 100% real and legit for the present moment that they exist.
also like. in case anyone was wondering, i don’t disparage people who are all “die cis scum” etc. it doesn’t actually matter what i think about whether ~that kind of behavior~ is ok or justifiable or whatever, because tbh at the end of the day it’s not my (or your) job to tell other people how to express their anger. peoples’ behavior isn’t always gonna align to your political agenda, and it isn’t really fair to expect it to do so 100% of the time.
also i could very very easily be considered a “radical” (maybe even a little bit of an “”anarchist”“) because of my beliefs about gender & class, so like. probably don’t roll your eyes and talk disparagingly about ~radicals~ in my presence maybe?? at the very least, you’re not gonna earn any brownie points from me with the whole queer-assimilationist bidness. just throwin that out there.
projects I am currently working on:
im only taking five classes and FOUR OF THEM are requiring me to work on two projects at once right now, where one is due within a week and the other is long-term
this is on top of having commissions i need to finish, having a job i have to work at as much as possible to keep from being dead broke, having to move everything out of my old apartment by the end of the month (and help milly move since they don’t have a car and have to work two jobs, so their schedule is p tight). i really wanted to get back into doing my webcomic soon
im so fucking overwhelmed i don’t know what to do other than just do each project as it’s due, either the day of or the day before it’s due. im supposed to be taking 18 credit hours next semester and i don’t—!!! i can’t even imagine!!???
|Anonymous » Being asexual I don't consider myself oppressed, not in the same way as LGBT folks are who have been killed, disowned, turned down from jobs etc. It's more a lack of awareness that people DON'T NEED TO HAVE SEX to have a healthy life/relationship and there are a lot of misconceptions out there and ignorance. People might look at you funny if you bring it up and they don't know about it and in some cases that might lead to abuse toward the individual. That's my own personal view on it issue|
that’s totally legit. what i can’t get behind is the assertion by that blog that you have to be oppressed to be part of the lgbtqia+ community (the fact that the groups that make up said acronym are oppressed classes is not the same thing as defining the group by its oppression, ya dig), and if someone else who happens to be in the same subgroup as you considers their invisibility to be a form of oppression, it’s not fair to shut them down or tell them that it isn’t true.